Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
