I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
