Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
