Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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