I wish my penis had an off switch
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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