I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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