I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
More tranny stories later!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
