Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
