I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
