if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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