Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
