I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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