Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She's the barista slut.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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