Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
barbara walters just said penis...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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