Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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