Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
