Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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