Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Quick, to the slutcave!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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