I can feel you judging me through the phone.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
