I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
