I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
