I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
