I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
