I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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