just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
