saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
