I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
