Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
