Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Still dying that you shit outside
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
