hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
