There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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