also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
