This is not my ceiling
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
