I bet he comes in French.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Randomize
