college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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