dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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