Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
