i will never coherently bang her
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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