Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
