I've blown a few things in my day
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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