so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
