We named our party play list daddy issues
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
