So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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