So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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