Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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