you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
