You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
