We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
