She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
be right there i have to get my cape
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
