Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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